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Bondage How To / Tips and Tricks / About a good Ambient

1. Tutorials - Standard Bondages

If you want to learn Japanes Bondage, the best thing would be, to learn in a good workshop with an experienced teacher.
Please click on the pic to open the gallery

1.1. The Standard Knot - Binding

1.2. Upper Bondage simple tie with hands in the back

1.3.1. 2-Rope-Takate Kote (2013)

1.3.2. 2-Rope Takate Kote (2008)

1.3.3. 2-Rope Takate Kote (2001)

1.3.4. If you can not cross your arms at the back, that could be an alternative

1.4. Karada

1.5.How to fix the suspension rope

1.6. Suspension (Face down)

1.7. Suspension (Sideways)

1.8. Simple Suspension around the waist

1.9. Matanawa

1.10. Lower Body Harness

1.11.1. Momo Shibari Version 1

1.11.2. Momo Shibari Version 2

1.12. Ebi Shibari

1.13. How to fix a Dildo at a Ropeharness

2. Tips and Tricks

To tie up the partner is something that doesn't always have to happen in reality. It can be just a game of phantasy as well. Sometimes phantasies realized are only half as exciting as they had been as pure thought. That doesn't go against either the phantasies or the partner.
But sometimes that's just what we always desired to do - to finally see with our own eyes, to touch with our hands, to feel it everywhere. No more cinema in the head, but something real, flesh and blood. At best with a partner as eager and willing as oneself, so that you may both set off on an erotic journey.

But, like with all journeys: You should at least know beforehand that you want to make this journey, and where to go at least basically. The aim may stay a bit of a surprise.
A few fundamental measures ensure the safety on this shared way.
To ty someone up for erotic, artistic, decorative reasons means that the active part has to know what he does, and that the passive gives him/her the chance to perceive how he/she feels. No matter whether you use cotton scarfs, leather cuffs or a rope, there should be some basic knowledge about techniques and safety; among this the rule that the ties should never be too tight. Otherwise the limbs may go numb or even blue because the blood flow is interrupted. As a general rule one finger should fit under the rope. Well, at least the little finger ...
Human joints can be actively bent in certain directions; to try to overstep this point may lead to torn ligaments, pulled tendons or even fractures. The agility is different for different people. Where one is able to let the ellbows touch behind his back, this may for another already lead to severe damage. Sometimes small things can have serious consequences.

As a preparation it's a good idea to read one of the bondage guides at the market. But even when we take care to stick to every safety rule in our games there may be unexpected and unforeseen occurances during a session; negative things which we can imagine only if they have happened already. This should not keep you from let your passions run wild; it's rather the advice that in such a case you shouldn't be terrified but react sensibly.

A short while ago the following happened to me: After a bondage session one of my bondage victims complained about a numb feeling of the right hand. The tightening of the rope around the outer parts of the upper arm with the pull of the rope during a bondage of the upper body may indeed lead to a restriction in the blood flow; I knew about that. Because I know that I always tell the passive part beforehand that I want to know immediately if he/she has the feeling that the arms or hands are going numb. In this case I slacken the ropes at once.
But this time the numb feeling didn't go away after a few minutes, but persisted. The right hand stayed immobile. My partner went to a doctor after a few days when it didn't get better. The arm was bandaged. All in all she couldn't move her right arm for six weeks. Naturally, she was rather mad at me.

What happened was this: The nerve normally running along the inner part of the arm by her was more to the side. Because of this the nerv was trapped, which led to a - fortunately only temporary paralysis. But it could have been much worse.

The human body is no machine - and it's as individual as the personality it accomodates.

Das Bondage-Handbuch, Matthias T. J. Grimme, Charon Verlag Hamburg 1999/2013

Bondage - Ausstieg aus der Selbstkontrolle, Tom Schmidt, Männerschwarm Scipt Verlag, Hamburg 1999

Erotic Bondage Handbook, Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press, USA 2000

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, Greenerypress 2001, Distributed by Turnaround:

3. Some basic principles of Japanese bondage/shibari

1. before the start of any bondage session, there must be informed consent - this includes, especially with inexperienced bondage partners, that the possible risks of bondage have been explained. In addition, health and emotional restrictions must be clarified.

2. bondage can mean something different for everyone, therefore both partners should inform each other about their ideas and wishes for the planned session.

3. before you start to bondage with each other, you should tune in internally and clarify first for yourself and then together, where the journey should go.

4. your bondage partner is not a victim, but your accomplice. And every body is different.

5. your bondage partner is your best bondage teacher when she gives you good feedback.

6. disturbance reports ALWAYS have priority - disturbances must be fixed immediately. (Rule of 3 applies: model must be able to talk and report disturbances as soon as they occur (from cold feet, itchy nose to hands falling asleep), restrainer must respond immediately and fix disturbance. Also, he should know that someone can descend into subspace while tethering - then she or he should ask).

7) Tying up is part of the bondage session and not the end. After the bondage comes the aftercare - it is best to develop a common ritual to get back into the everyday mode, whether it is talking, caressing, holding, it doesn't matter.

8. in case of emergency: have safety scissors or other cutting tool (without sharp tip) ready. Never when tying up in pairs, cut the hanging rope, because generally you can't hold your partner with one arm.

9. neatly structured shackling makes it easier to untie in case of emergency.

10. tie hands or wrists too loosely rather than too tightly. And make sure that this restraint (emergency exit) can be opened at any time, because the hands are most likely to bitch.

11. after the base knot/base wrap at the wrists (single hand/both hands), the rope always continues in the direction the long end is pointing. This also applies to other places where the base wrap is used.

12. when tying up, the principle of pull and counter-pull applies as a matter of principle.

13. the double rope must never lie twisted on the body, parallel rope layers should also lie parallel.

14. if the rope meets an already coiled rope during guiding, the path continues underneath this rope - principle: rope should always run as close as possible to the body.

15. Tie the upper body as tightly as possible, making sure that the layers below the chest (below the nipple for men) are looser or at most equally tight than those above.

16. for upper body restraints over the arms, the upper rope layer should run best between the shoulder muscle and the upper arm muscles - this is approximately at the level of the armpit. For some bondage partners, the ideal place is a bit higher, rarely lower.

17. rope which meets other rope should be blocked there if possible and not just run under it.

18. belay ropes secure only the layers of the rope to the body and should lie rather loosely.

19. when tying off a longer held position (arms on neck or arms on back), let arms move back slowly - do not move as a tether yourself.

20. when suspending, the test to see if everything is ok with the radial nerve is to actively extend the thumb, index finger and middle finger every two minutes or so - if they can no longer go into hyperextension, immediately release hands and then down to the floor.

21. when moving the rope on the body/skin, the rule is - go under the rope layers with the finger, pull the rope off the body and move the finger from front to back to move the rope more up or down. Counter with your free hand so you don't pull your partner over.

22. as the main hanging rope, it is best to use European Iso-Norm rope or even stronger (poly-hemp, etc.) and only if it is absolutely flawless. Check known and proven hanging points to see if they remain stable. Unknown hanging points should be avoided.

23. only tidy and sorted rope can be used immediately.

24. often it is not the rope that is too short, but too loose!

25. check the rope regularly to see if there are any tears or other defects in the rope. If so, it is good for bed, but no longer for hanging bondages.

26. No matter which bondage master or school you have learned from, the condition of your bondage partner comes first and in case of need you have to adjust the bondage.

27. clarity is helpful in bondage: either practice session, photo session or play session. For learners, especially in the beginning, it is important to make different dates for practice and play with the partner. 28.

28. If something goes wrong, clarify with each other as quickly as possible what it was and how to avoid it next time.

29. by the way - Japanese bondage master Yukimura Haruki says: suspension bondage is for the stage and for show-offs. I say, of course, the intense body experience of hanging is understandably very exciting, but closeness and contact with each other is better achieved by tying on the floor.

30. Not only for bondage sessions: Only if both partners:inside feel better, nicer, more satisfied, more beautiful and loved (or liked) afterwards, it is a good session. If one of them feels funny, bad, belittled, despised, sad afterwards, it has to be talked about.

Copyright 2018/21 by Matthias T. J. Grimme and


4. About a good Bondage Ambient

In my experiences with shibari performances and workshops, I have listening a question regularly: Ok, I already saw how to tie, but how can I produce a good ambient for it?

Really, the ambient setting is very important to make a sensual and exciting scene. Sure, if two persons are excited, they can be inside of an elevator and it'll be very exciting, but now we'll talk about produce an sensual atmosphere inside of "four walls".

Starting with the "soundtrack", because the music helps to provide an exciting ambient. The kind of the music can be chosen as the kind of atmosphere that you want to create, for example: a celtic kind music provides a confortable and relaxing sensation, however a gothic kind music generates a tense and scary atmosphere, but the both kinds can be very exciting. The eastern music is a very good resource for shibari, not only the japanese songs, the arabian and indian songs are very cool. The music choosing depends of the songs preferences and the intention of generate an especific atmosphere. Imagine a soft song at the background, while you are tying, at the same time that you kissing and caress the other person. If the music have a cadency changing and get stronger and faster, you can alternate with slaps, or start a waxplay, dropping the hot wax by all the sub's body.

The ambient lighting is very important too. Particularly, I prefer the candle lighting, with red candles, because they bring a "hot" look. Another good of the candles is the possibility of use for waxplay, but some colored candles are not proper for it, the aromatic candles are dangerous, because they'll can be very hot and can result in skin burning and allergy.

The aroma is another stimulating point (in this case, aromatic candles can be used for lighting and fragrance). I prefer the incense, because I think that the aroma is more pleasant. There are many kinds of incenses, including the relaxing and aphordisiac fragances.

Take a look how this ambient preparation is effective to the senses manipulation. The joining of the music, the look and the aroma results in the erotic stimulation of three senses (hearing, sight and smell), so all the place keeps the concentrating and involvement to the erotism. The touch and taste turns stronger by the other senses stimulation.

Itself, the shibari is already a very exciting practice, but an especific atmosphere can quiteexpand the erotic stimulation and turn it much more intense, really a great erotic ritual.
With kindly permission from Highlander

Highlander lives in Sao Paulo, BR, and is the creator of Immortal Shibari (The first Brazilian website dedicated to Shibari - due to personal reasons offline). His works on shibari have appeared in such publications and web sites as:, RopeMarks, UOL Mix Brasil, Sexy Magazine, and many others. | Contact / Imprint